Soft enough to soothe your regret. Heavy enough to bury it.
 
This isn’t just a blanket. It’s a deeply ironic textile experience. For $175, you’re not purchasing warmth—you’re acquiring a limited-edition piece of spiritual insulation against the cold void of late-stage capitalism (which, yes, you just participated in).
 
Crafted from premium, ethically-sourced, artisan-loomed, possibly-too-good-for-you fabric, this blanket offers the kind of comfort that says, “You tried. You’re tired. Now wrap yourself in that failure and rest.”
 
Why $175?
 
Because pricing it lower would be dishonest. This blanket isn’t cheap, and neither is the illusion of control you’re trying to buy with it. This is self-care for the terminally disillusioned. Think of it as a one-time emotional tax deductible against the grind of existence.
 
Product Features:
 
Dimensions: Big enough to cover your guilt, not big enough to cover your credit card bill.
Material: Soft, breathable blend of cotton, remorse, and post-industrial irony.
Color Options: “Midlife Beige”
Care Instructions: Machine wash cold, tumble dry low, avoid reflecting too deeply on your choices.
 
Who is this for?
 
You. The person who reads refund policies for sport. The person who knows that happiness can’t be bought, but comfort can be financed at 22.99% APR. The person who wants to feel something—preferably plush, with a touch of despair woven in.
 
What do you get?
 
A blanket. A symbol. A conversation piece no one asked for. A physical manifestation of your willingness to pay too much for meaning in a meaningless world.
 
 
 
 
Would you like a matching pillow for $85 and a printable Certificate of Authentic Disillusionment for $12.99?
 
No? Good. That was a test.