Refund Policy

All Sales Final. Forever. For Real.

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Congratulations on your bold decision to participate in late-stage capitalism by purchasing merchandise from a website that actively critiques late-stage capitalism. Irony is alive and well—and non-refundable.

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We do not accept returns, exchanges, or regrets—emotional, spiritual, or financial. Every item you buy, be it a t-shirt emblazoned with existential doubt, a mug that mocks Material Salvationism while actively participating in it, or a shower curtain that silently judges you as you bathe, is yours until the end of days.

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Why no refunds?

Because we believe in commitment. Because the products are made to order.

Because you probably don’t need another consumer transaction to medicate your existential unease. And because, frankly, handling returns would interfere with the ongoing hypocrisy of selling products on a website about not defining yourself through consumption.

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Damaged items?

If your item arrives physically mangled by the cruel hand of fate (or the postal service), take a photo and send it to us. If it's genuinely defective or unwearably ironic, we may offer a replacement. Or we may write you a haiku about impermanence instead.

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Wrong size? Change of heart? Buyers remorse?

That sounds like a personal growth opportunity.

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Need help?

You can contact us, and we may even respond—though probably not with a refund. Use the contact form or email provided elsewhere on the site. We do read every message, sometimes aloud, over candlelight and tears.

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Thanks again for your purchase. And remember:

Material Salvation isn’t real, but shipping fees definitely are.